Similar
by trex333
Summary: Katniss is broken by all shes lost and finds comfort in an unlikely ally. one shot


**this is set in mockingjay before the epilogue and after katniss was sent back to 12 for killing coin. hope you like it**

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><p>I sat here, a prisoner in what used to be my home. I shouldn't call it my home, the house in the victor's circle isn't really my home. The tiny house in the Seam was my home, before it got burned to ashes that is. I suppose this house is the closest thing I have to a home for now. Although, right now it doesn't seem like a house. It seems like a prison, for both me and my thoughts.<p>

I guess they went easy on me though, I could easily be locked up somewhere horrible or executed for killing Coin. Sometimes I wish they had killed me, my thoughts about Prim and Gale and Finnick eat at me like rabid animals. Still, I know I should try to get better. I've begun to actually leave the house sometimes. I even take Peeta to the forest quite a bit. At first I thought it would bother him to take him all the places I so often went with Gale, but he didn't mind. In fact he seemed happy I was talking and going outside for a change. It's been a while since they sent me back to District 12 to live out my "sentence". At first I was so out of my mind that I didn't know how long it had been, but after asking Peeta he said it's been about a year. Haymitch visits sometimes and keeps me company until he feels I've had enough of him. I still feel distant from him though, as if my actions in the Capitol made him disgusted with me. Usually I only see Peeta and Greasy Sae, who care for me constantly and act like proud parents whenever I start acting functional again. I often want people to visit me, long for it, to see another familiar face. Then I remember most of the people I once cared for are dead, or long gone from life like my depressed mother. Even Gale rarely calls, he mostly talks about his job in weapon designs. I think the only way I'll ever see him again is through the television which he so often appears in. He dresses differently now, as if hes forgotten he once hunted and mined for survival. Still, I wish anyone would visit. I ask Peeta often if hes lonely and if he would like to go off on his own, I figure he must be lonely and that staying here for me has bored him and torn his spirit from him. He always seems happy to tell me that he's positive hes at his happiest here. I would think he's lying for my sake, but I can't negate the fact he does seem happy here with me.

"Katniss, you should probably start reading all the letters people send you." Peeta tells me one morning.

"What for?" I say in a snarky tone.

"Well, it might serve you good. I enjoy the letters I get. Delly writes us both a lot you know. She's figured out you don't read her letters though, so I usually tell her about you through my letters."

Even though Delly is as nice as they come, I can't help but think Delly is Peeta's friend, not mine. It's as she's been forced into a friendship with me. Actually, I know that's not true and I know Delly is genuine with me but after losing so many friends my only defense mechanism for having my heart broken once more through death is to keep people away from me. Which I guess is in contradiction of me wanting visitors, but feelings are often contradictory aren't they?

Time kept going by, I eventually realized I should probably start reading letters. Not now though, and maybe not today. Today I was going hunting. I asked Peeta if he wanted to come along but he is nursing a particularly bad hangover of Haymitch's, it's probably for the best since he always scares the animals away.

District 12 looks a little better now that they've cleaned up the bodies and debris over the past year. Still though, it doesn't look the same. Although, maybe it also has to do with the fact no people have returned yet.

I got quite far into the woods until I realized I forgot my game bag, not wanting to waste more time I ran back to my house.

I ran into the house frantically searching for the bag, then I saw a figure sitting on one of the chairs. It certainly wasn't Peeta, Haymitch, or Greasy Sae. This figure was thinner. I instinctively got defensive and raised my bow at them.

"Who's there!" I shout at them.

They stand up and face me.

"Whoa, calm down! Is this how you greet guests? I knew people from 12 had no manners but this is over the top isn't it?"

It's Johanna.

"Oh, It..It's you. I'm sorry." I say as I lower my bow and put my arrow back in it's quiver.

"Solitary confinement is getting to you, huh kiddo?" She lets out a hearty laugh.

Johanna Mason is here to see me, although I don't know the reason for it yet, of all people to come see me it's her?

"Please, sit down. I'll get us some tea with mint." I tell her trying to be hospitable. Even though I believe she still hates me it's still nice to have a guest. Even if I don't quite know how to react.

"So I'm sure you're wondering what I'm doing here Katniss, although you'd know if you read my letters." She said in a joking tone.

"I haven't really.. gotten around to reading letters I suppose. I'm sorry, I know I probably should have at least read yours. The last time I saw you it seemed you weren't well." I tell her. I'm starting to feel kind of rotten now, since I remember back in 13 I was as close to being her friend as I could ever be. Maybe it seems like I abandoned her. Even when I saw her when we voted over the Capitol hunger games she seemed mentally unstable.

"It's okay Katniss, neither of us are well, are we? Anyway, you did visit me and give me that bundle that smelled like 7, didn't you? I kept that for a while after you were gone to war. I never got the chance to thank you for that in the Capitol."

Is she trying to make me feel less guilty? It seems out of her character, but it seems to work.

"So, not that I don't enjoy the visit but why _are_ you here?" I tried my best not to sound rude, but knowing Johanna she wasn't here for a leisurely stroll.

"Why do you think, brainless?" She smiles.

I hand her the tea and I take a seat in front of her.

"I don't know, are you here to reprimand me for killing Coin?" I take a sip of the hot liquid.

"Now does that sound like something I would do Miss Everdeen?"

"No I suppose it doesn't" I laugh.

"Well, at first when I begun writing to you I was angry with you. Angry with you that you broke your promise to me to kill Snow." She says it in a sullen tone.

"Well-" I cut in

"Let me finish Katniss." She takes a sip of her tea and I decide it's best to let her finish talking.

"I _was _angry at you, I wrote you so many letters about it, asking why you would waste such a perfect opportunity to kill him. If it was me I would have no doubt driven that arrow into his skull mercilessly. But then I realized even though it wasn't your arrow that killed him, your actions were probably what caused his death anyway right? But then I started wondering why it was that you shot Coin instead, what drove you into such madness? I didn't have to ponder that for long. I saw your face when we voted for the hunger games of the Capitol children. I almost myself couldn't believe you voted for it. It must have been because you didn't mean it though, did you? You never meant for those games to happen and I knew then when you voted in favor of the games.. That you did it as a last act in solidarity with her. I don't know if you did it out of respect for the woman or if you did it so she would trust you one last time, but I could see in your face that not even when you said 'for Prim' you meant it. You could never live with yourself if you were the cause for one last meaningless slaughter, could you? But what's even more interesting is this point: Did you know Snow would be killed by the crowd or did you assume he would be killed anyway even without Coin's ruling? I guess it doesn't matter because everything worked out beautifully."

"Is this all you came here for Johanna? To find out the meaning behind my actions?" Even if she was right, why is she so invested in this? It doesn't even matter anymore because everything has been done.

"No Katniss, because I already figured it all out didn't I?" She laughs loudly

"But no, that's not what I came here for. I came here for you. Because when I was out of my mind in that hospital after taking that test, you were there for me. It might have been that someone told you to be there for me, but no one told you to make that bundle for me and I'm sure of that. It was a beautiful gesture from a girl I hadn't been particularly friendly to."

I let out a deep sigh.

"So, what are you saying. That you consider me a friend now after all this time?"

"Don't get me wrong, I still hate parts of you. But yes, I suppose after all this time. I consider you my friend. Not just for your actions alone Katniss Everdeen. Also, because you almost became me.. Someone with no one left to love. Not just because of the death of so many, but for alienating yourself with your own actions. You really only have Peeta left, don't you?"

I should be angry with her for pointing this all out, for rubbing it in my face. Whats the point though? Shes right.

"I suppose you're right Johanna, I only have Peeta left."

"Another thing, and this might be selfish. I also came because I don't want to be like me anymore, someone with no one left to love, If there was ever a person I could grow close to these past few years, it was you."

She stretched her hand out to me and I held it as tears slowly came down my face. This girl whom I once thought myself to be nothing like, and thought viciously hated me. We've become quite similar haven't we?

It was nice to know I have someone besides Peeta I can love now.


End file.
